the draft

how many times have you experienced this situation?
you want to text others but you think too long and when you want to send the text you find that it's too late coz the person you wanna text has got the text containing information she/he needs from others....then what you do is to save it as a draft...

draft..yup, that's the place where unsent texts or ideas being stored.

Today i also have this embarrassing experience. it's not about texting someone but my idea to help the old woman and her grandson. the story begins when i went to having lunch with my friends in a small cafe near the school. my friend wanted to have 'nasi campur' for lunch but i ordered chicken noodle. the cafe where we went doesnt have chicken noodle but there's another seller next to the cafe sells. the place isn't like a house. just a tent with chairs and table, so my friend asked me to sit in the cafe but ordered the noodle outside. i agreed. i ordered first and then we entered the room. my friend's order came first so she ate, but mine and the other friend hadn't come.

Eventually, i decided to go outside checking the order. i went there but as i wanted to ask i saw my old friend when i was in senior high school. i greeted her and asked her condition. we had a chat while i was waiting for my order. when we talked we both took a look at a little kid with his old grandma. the old woman was blowing up a balloon for her grandson. they both wore dirty clothes with a plastic bag containing some empty water cups. so they are water cup collector i guess. (here in kupang people collect empty water cup and then sell them to get money). i felt pity when a guy brought them a glass of cool water and they drunk happily. my heart told me that i should do something but at the time i put my pocket in the table of the cafe. when the man finished cooking my noodle i walked to the cafe and eat with my friends. but my heart kept telling me that i had to do outside to give them money or buy them food for lunch. so, i started to make the concept, what i would do. i thought that i could tell the waitress that i order a menu and asked them to pack it for them, but i also had another concept that perhaps they needed money for other things so better i gave them money than food. if i gave money they could use it for food or buying other thing. all were still the concept in mind while i was having lunch. i wanted to order but i didn't do it. actually i was also a lil bit embarrassed for giving them money while so many eyes were looking at me. i just want to give something but others do not know. coz when i give something but other people see me i might be proud of myself and it is not pure motive anymore. so i told my self to wait till finishing my lunch and when i walked outside i would call the kid out of the crowd and gave him money.

however, all 'brilliant concepts' must be kept only in my 'draft'. yeah..i did nothing, just having the concept and the draft. i was very embarrassed with my own self.. i feel like i am such a big coward. i wasn't bold enough to do good things for others. maybe i am just afraid of doing good things before others... i only have concept and draft..

if i could go back to the previous minutes, i would walk outside, leaving my lunch and order them food,, at least i do something for others not only having the great concept in my draft.

today's experience teaches me to ignore my own self.. even if people will look at me and think that i am too 'lebay' i dont care.. i just dont want to ignore my conscience. i wish i would have another chance again. at that time i will make all concepts in draft come true... i promise!