Worth Lesson this year

I have drowned in my own sadness for the failure of my scholarship application till this morning God touched my heart again to remind me of His great plans for my life..

Last week was hard for me since I had to struggle with myself and my selfishness. It was also a very strict test for my sincerity. I finally found a fact that my application for the scholarship was not successful (though I haven't got the notification letter till today). On the 6th December I got a phone call from my boyfriend that he got the notification letter and email from ADS. At first I tried to comfort myself that perhaps mine would come late so I waited till the next day. Then, I found the same result that no email and no packet being sent to my house. At the same time my boyfriend asked my help for taking his packet in the mail delivery office for his address in Kupang is not easy to find and at that time he was away for a work. You know, it was the time when my selfishness came. I didn't want to go for I was afraid of facing the fact. I remember last year when he asked me to take his packet I was very excited and even we both prayed for that but this year I didn't respond anything. I was silent. 

However, I have to confess the truth that love conquers all..yes, I eventually went there picking his packet in the delivery office and gave it to him with smile. It was the first time God taught me to smile for other's success while I was facing failure. I rarely face failure in life.. I can even count them and they are not so many. But this time when I was so blue, God taught me to be shiny for my beloved one's happiness. It hurt but delighted.. :)  

This morning, after facing a blue and cloudy week, I finally learn to smile for my tomorrow. Yeah, God is the master of making us happy.. He knows my sadness so this morning at church He spoke to me about His promise. The sermon in church tells about waiting for God's promise and He reminds me about His time. Sometimes when we pray for something we want it all happen in our time but God is God, He knows the right time for us. God used my pastor to remind me of three important things; Trusting the Lord, paying the cost and persevering. I contemplated His Words then realized that I didn't pay the cost-I mean my struggle was not really full. I didn't pay the full price a warrior should do for winning a battle. God is still preparing me and I have to enjoy His process. 

Later after analyzing my weak points I promise myself that failure won't ever kiss me twice. I am gonna work harder next year, of course starting from this month. I'm gonna apply for a TOEFL preparation class and make my learning schedule and list some names I can consult with about my study program. I believe God is walking before me as the Mighty One who gives me victory! I'll do my best and God'll take the rest....

I thank God that He let me learn such a great lesson about victory before this year ends. I learn that victory doesn't mean that you are always successful gaining what you want but sometimes it's all about how able you are to overcome your failure.

Good try Haniva!!! Lets try two times harder than before!!!