When God says 'Not Yet' (again)

 Surrender.. this is the only word that best describes my feeling today. The disappointment might have taken place yesterday but today God has turned it into surrender.

I got a new email yesterday from the New Zealand embassy telling me that my scholarship application was not accepted yet. Here's the mail...

Dear Haniva,

Thank you for your recent application for a scholarship and interest in undertaking post-graduate studies in New Zealand. Although the number of scholarship places for Indonesia has increased, so have the number of applications, and it was challenging for us to have to select only a limited number of these from many often strong applications.

In making the selection and shortlisting potential candidates for the scholarship, we had to ensure that a number of criteria which have been set by the New Zealand Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade (MFAT) were fully met.  Unfortunately, there were many applications, including yours, that did not fully meet these criteria and thus were not shortlisted.  There were various reasons for candidates not being shortlisted, including insufficient English language level, proposed field of study not matching with MFAT priority areas, incomplete documents, academic background not being directly relevant to the proposed field of study, lack of relevant work experience, and others.

Thank you again for applying and we are sorry that your application has not been successful this time.  However, this does not preclude you from applying for an NZ-AS scholarship again in the future.

Yours sincerely,

W. John Howe
Team Leader
New Zealand ASEAN Scholars (NZ-AS) Programme

When I read the second paragraph I got a feeling that it might be a 'No' answer so I took a deep breath and prayed that I would be fine to read the following sentences. Thank God, I was just OK. My faith told me to be still in Christ because everything is always OK when I walk with God. Failure can never bring me down, it just pumps me up to reach the higher.

I was just a little bit sad when I went to bed. The devil tried to steal my peace by filling my mind with the negative sides of failure. It attacked me, trying to tell me that I would never be successful.But still the Spirit in me is bigger than any other from this world. God gave me joy again to be still in Him. He reminded me of the women of faith in the bible, how they struggled with failure. One of them that really strengthens me is Rachel. I tried to understand her feelings when she was waiting for a baby. It took a quite long time full of hope and of course suffering as it is not always fine with a barren woman in waiting a baby. However, she didn't lose hope. She kept trusting in the LORD till the time comes when the Bible says "......And God remembered Rachel, and God listened to her and opened her womb." Genesis 30:22. I am very sure that the period of time from seeing Lea give birth her first son till the last son is not a delightful time for a barren Rachel. But that's the way God works. He has His own time to do His will and Rachel did her part very well by waiting patiently on God's favor.

The same thing happened to me. Facing the same failures two times is not easy. I know as human I may find disappointment. Nevertheless, God is my banner. His grace is too sufficient for me. I will trust in Him no matter what it takes. Yes or No is His answer. what I know is He, my Father knows the best for me and I am waiting patiently on His favor..

December, another hope is just coming.. I can only surrender on God's favor. If God's will, I will get His grace to continue my study in Australia. Let God answer according to His will.